today was officially day one of my intern year. different people react in different ways to the notion of being looked upon as a real doctor, with all the attendant responsibility and accountability, but we're all nervous, at least a little. anyone that says otherwise is lying.
i started on the pediatrics floors. i showed up a little before 6am and tracked down the person i was supposed to take signout (the transfer of information about and responsibility for particular patients from one physician to another) from and got my list of patients that i was to see and be ready to round on at 7:30am. the first few days -- and, since every month is a new floor, unit, sometimes hospital, probably the entire first year -- will largely be about learning logistics. how do i order this test? how do i find out this piece of information? who do i ask about this paperwork? where is my call room? it will take time to be comfortable with the procedural aspects of the work, and in the meantime, i need to be learning as much as i can about patient care and management, but the two are inextricably linked.
the day went fairly smoothly, all told. i had a co-intern with me that went to medical school at rochester, so she was familiar with a lot of the logistics, and i had a good, supportive senior resident backing me up. i was home at 6pm with the relief of my first day behind me.
i fully expect these next four years to be the most demanding of my life so far, but i have faith in my ability to handle the stress, the hours, and the exhaustion that will come with the work. and though i'm well aware of the inescapable reality that i will make mistakes, and that i must learn from them to become a better physician, i'm afraid of making mistakes that will adversely affect (or even end) people's lives. i think this is something i will lose sleep over regularly.
but i'm also excited by the prospect of really learning medicine. i get the sense that by the end of these next four years, i'll be a pretty good doctor. and i love the realm of possibility before me once i'm in that position and have confidence in my skills as a physician. i chose this route because once i know what i'm doing (an admittedly difficult point to reach), i will have an incredible amount of freedom. in the meantime, though, i'm pretty locked in. i have been since i started medical school, and i knew that i would be while i trained. but i've always seen this process as a means to an end for me. the autonomy i'll have once i'm through it, i suspect, will be well worth it.
back to reality: i'm on call monday. again, i'm a little nervous. it's a lot of responsibility, and i'm still in the process of proving to myself that i know enough to be entrusted with it.
i don't know what i'll write about in this space. i just want to make sure that i write regularly. my guess is that it'll be stories, thoughts, rants and raves i have along the way so i can look back and remember them as i move forward. there will probably be the occasional (inevitable) 'silly poem that rhymes,' and who knows what else? so if you're interested in checking in on me, come visit here.
i think i'll be a pretty lousy friend/family member for long stretches when i just get inundated, but i hope you'll forgive me, stay with me, and keep me up on your doings. i'll try to write to this blog regularly, and please know that just because i'm not always able to be in regular contact doesn't mean i'm not thinking about you. thanks for reading.
until next time, much love,
sachin
